We mindlessly go through each phase not understanding what it is we are experiencing. All too often our desires or intentions do not match our outcomes and we walk away from a potential love interest disillusioned, angry, hurt and frustrated. Unfortunately society has a hand in ushering in all this confusion. We are socialized from an early age as girls to seek the prince in the shining armor. You know the one, he's supposed to ride in on that white horse, with that castle looming in the background and save you from yourself! Remember him? What was his name again? Oh yeah! Prince charming. Well to tell you the truth, I haven't met him and don't think I ever will because he simply doesn't exist. What does exist is my own self understanding and power over how I choose to love others. Having clear intentions on what it is I desire to get mirrored back to me in return is also a gift one can not over look.
You may ask, "how do I go about doing that Nisha?" I am so glad you asked that! Because in this blog segment I am going to briefly outline the different stages of love. You can decide for yourself which one's you tend to operate in and seek the one your heart most desires.
Let's explore the 3 different kinds of love and then I list the 6 different styles of love we often go through and or use, then I will tie in sacred sexual union's love....
You know someones done a study on love right? Well this is what this portion of the blog will cover. Don't cower I promise it will be brief.
A renowned psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed that there are 3 dimensions of love:
1. Passion instills deep desire to be united to another. Passion is like an addiction. During the early stages of attraction it releases chemicals in the brain that gets us "high". Thus intense stimulation and pleasure can create a powerful craving for the individual we have our sights set upon.
2. Intimacy is the emotional nature of love that creates a bond with an individual we are attracted too. It involves feelings of warmth, sharing and emotional connectedness. This also facilitates a willingness to help the other, openness to private thoughts and tenderness.
3. Commitment is the cognitive aspect of love. This is a conscious choice to love another and to maintain ties and bonds in the relationship over a period of time although challenges may arise within the union.
See that wasn't so hard! What Sternberg suggests is that we often merge the three of these basic human urges to create different subsets of love such as; Fatuous love (passion+commitment) this can be described as "love at first site", it tends to leave quickly. Romantic love (intimacy+passion) this is the stage where love stays a while longer but does not "cement" into a commitment. Compassionate love (intimacy +commitment) this form of love cements into a long term love that grows over time. Understand that all of these different subsets CAN evolve over time, wax and wane or disappear all together.
Meditate for a moment on the different stage of love and contemplate which style you use the most. Don't be afraid to ask yourself those deeper questions on what kind of love you would like to dwell in and see returned. Remember to be gentle with yourself as you are on a discovery that begins within.
When your ready read part 2 discussing psychologist John Allan Lee's theory on the 6 different love styles!
namaste
Nisha Moon
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