We left off discussing Robert Sternberg's Theory of the 3 stages of love. (if you are reading this blog first your more than welcome to go to the list and read part 1)
Now we are going to see what the 6 styles of love are which were created by psychologist John Allen Lee. Dr. Lee's theory is taken from ancient Greek words that provide character to intimate human relations:
1. Individuals with romantic love style known as (eros) place their emphasis on physical beauty and search for ideal mates. These are the romantic, erotic lovers who delight in physical beauty, tactile and sensual pleasures provided to them by their lovers' bodies, they tend to be very affectionate and openly communicative with their partners. Think lots of PDA (public displays of affection). This style may also include life styles such as; swinging, swapping, poly and open relationships. This love style is the most superficial but can be fun.
2. Individuals with game-playing style (ludus) like to play the field and engage in many sexual "conquests" with little to no commitment. Love is for them fun, exciting, it's the act of the seduction that turns them on and keeps them motivated. These relationships are transitory and remain casual. Here is where the beginning stages are often engaged in. Flirting, eye roaming, open gestures ensue. These individuals are difficult to pin down and always seem to have a busy schedule and "loads" of friends of the opposite sex.
3. Individuals with a possessive love style (mania) tend to gravitate toward obsession which are often laden with jealousy and turmoil. These individuals relating patterns are the roller coaster style of love with each display of affection from the lover brings them into ecstasy and the slightest slight brings them into agitation. Think of always wanting to spend time with you, no space, you can't breathe, thinks of what you want before you do and provides it, is hyper vigilant. In my opinion we all may show some form of possessiveness in some form or another in our relationships but this kind is over the top and dangerous for both parties.
4. Individuals with a compassionate style (storge) are usually slow to develop affection and to communicate but will usually experience relationships that endure the test of time. This style of love is without "fever" or "turmoil" and is peaceful, quiet, and kind. The relationship typically starts off as a friendship and develops into affection and love. This is the kind of relationship that is your best buddy, someone who has always been there for you while engaging in other love relationships that go awry, nursing you through your ups and downs, pains and trials. One day you both look into each other's eyes and wham! Love is there!
5. Individuals with an altruistic style (agape) are often selfless, caring, compassionate and desire to give to another without expectation of reciprocity. This love is patient and is never demanding or jealous. This love is Christ conscious or Buddha conscious love. It gives from the heart center and just loves because love is. These people tend to be able to look past the physical you and see your soul as a divine connection to humanity. Because of this, they tend to love the ALL and not just you.
6. Individuals with a pragmatic style (pragma) seek lovers based on rational, practical sets of criteria such as shared common interest, goals, desires, spirituality or religion that are likely to lead to a mutual satisfactory relationship. They approach love in a "business like" fashion, shopping for the best possible romantic deal by seeking partners with a social, educational, religious or spiritual and interest patterns (yeah I know... I just said that!) When you think of pragmatic.. think common sense seekers. They want it all!
Now what?
After reading the different styles I am sure you can discern that you have experienced at least one or more of them. Either from how you approached a relationship or how you were approached by someone else? If you see one that you have not engaged in that you would like to emerge into ask yourself what was your motivation in you past and what is your NEW motivation for your future. Having a clear understanding of what it is you NEED and WANT will assist you in pulling in the right energy! Again, don't be hard on yourself. After all we are here on this planet to grow and through growth we have to have experiences, some good, some not so good. But you are HERE and that is what matters so push forward with positive intention!
Keep in mind when meeting someone that you are on the same page or shall I say "love style" when developing a relationship. Talk, talk, talk to the individual to see what they want and where they see the two of you going. If you two are on a different love styles then you may want to regroup and just be friends.
Also keep in mind that different cultures may have a different style that is important to them when establishing long term committed relationships. For example: If you are an African American woman dating a man of Arab decent find out from the very beginning if a romantic possibility can exist. Why? Typically the Arab culture only allow men to marry women of their own culture and religion! Again be clear what you can allow yourself to experience and what you can't handle. It saves broken hearts in the end.
Lastly, in regards to sacred sexuality... YUMMY
Please allow me to briefly explain that when talking about sacred sexual union with another we are speaking more in terms of long term partnerships, marriage, union etc. Over time when individuals seek to experience love on multiple levels they come into a sacred dance that allows them to willingly invest positive energy into the relationship. When this is done the relating patterns take on a whole new meaning and life. Energy centers known as chakra's align and vibrate in unison and the physical mind even reaches out and thinks for the other, such as the practice of completing each others sentences. When reaching this internal and external state of unity, sacred sexual union is easier to obtain due to familiarity, continuity and attachment. Although this is the ideal, the very practice of sacred sexual union can bring about this unity and a deepened partnership, therefore if you don't have that YET but the both of you are interested in obtaining that state of bliss then by all means find a qualified teacher(s) and jump right into your BLISS and HAPPINESS!
Please comment on the blog to let me know what you think!
share with your friends!
Namaste
Nisha Moon
Some of the information was taken from "Our sexuality" 11th ed. Robert Crooks & Karla Baur
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